My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
