im gay
i know
yea but for you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
