I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize