you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
