I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
