no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
