you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize