I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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