Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
