If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
