so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
