I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
