I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
