We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize