Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
