Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
