take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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