My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
