Plan B is the new Plan A
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
