drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
