just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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