I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
