She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
