An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
