He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
