Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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