Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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