my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
