I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
love makes seman taste better
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
