she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
