I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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