$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
