So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize