Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
