I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
