Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
