mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
