you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pooping to opera.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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