I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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