I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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