He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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