I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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