I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
