Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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