You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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