the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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