do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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