Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
