3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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