shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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