Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
