i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
