you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have started to decorate penises.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am available for nakedness
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
