If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
