Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize