I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
