The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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