so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
