What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
