im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
