just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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