There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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