Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize