if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
