fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can't just leave with hair like that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
