it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize