Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
