it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize