low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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