I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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