I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
