Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
