if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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