you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
