this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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