i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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