I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
