Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
