i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
