Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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