She is in my trunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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