Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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