would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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