plz talk dirty to me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
