My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
