the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
