i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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