I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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