I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dick very happy bro
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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