just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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