When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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