I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh god it's open bar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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