I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
