Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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