hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at about main and main street
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
