matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
