i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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