i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
