if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
