So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
