DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
