hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
