I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
