I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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