okay pat passed out under dana's car
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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