my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
