At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
