Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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