I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
