I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize